maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
