Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
