please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
