speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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