I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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