Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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