Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
