try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
