so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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