if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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