I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
