It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
