great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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