can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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