If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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