Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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