girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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