Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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