So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
