WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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