In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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