can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
