that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize