I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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