Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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