Nicole vs. Life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
