OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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