you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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