forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
