Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
