Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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