Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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