Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
