this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
