I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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