her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
