the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
