in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
