That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
