you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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