I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
