is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
