Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
