Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
