Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
