I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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