i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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