i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
