More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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