i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
