So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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