I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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