I looked at my own cervix.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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