Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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