his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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