Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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