Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
