u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
