Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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