he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
